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[05 Sep 2008|06:42pm] |
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 depressed |
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ive heard the phrase "its better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all." something more appropriate to me would be "why fall in love in the first place, if in the end she'll never take the fucking hint."
So I just got back from Seattle. Whoa, seattle, I know it's been a while since I updated this thing. Let me recap the last few years.
Lost my house and car.
Almost died in a car accident, twice.
Suffered through a horrible case of pneumonia, so bad that I had actually hoped that I would do.
Being disowned by my whole family, as well as being told that I was nothing more than an abortion that they cowardly didn't follow through with. Finally got a writing job with the Modern Method network on their toysite, Tomopop.com.
Went to Cancun and rediscovered my "true" family.
Went out to Comic Con in San Diego and starting building my name in the video game industry.
Went out to Seattle with Tomopop and Destructoid to cover PAX 2008, and hang out with my extended "true" family.
While in Seattle, I met the perfect woman, at least my ideal woman. Smart, funny, completely down to earth and comfortable in her own skin. And she is just as big a music and gaming fan as I am. I have never truly believed in that whole "love at first sight" thing, but the minute I saw her, I was completely head over heels in love with her.
The problem? She shows absolutely no interest in me whatsoever. Infact, she is completely in love with my friend, who has no interest in her at all other than an exotic fuck (she's welsh). So when she gets rejected by him, she comes to me for solace...and I help her get right back on her feet and try again...with him.
It truly is heartbreaking every time I get a gtalk bloop or text message from her, but if she would be happier with him, then what else can I do.
So...back to what I'm used to, being a shoulder to cry on, and not much else.
i think i was happier when I was a loner.
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| OMG WTF POST?! |
[28 Feb 2007|10:38pm] |
I bought that.
It's been like what, almost a year since I last posted something worthwhile on here? Something like that. And there's still nothing interesting! But I guess I can update for the sake of it. That and I love reading about my own life.
Mid-May or so last year I moved back in with my dad and brother from the apartment I was sharing with a roommate. This was a must needed escape, for numerous reasons that I have no desire to go into, but I was glad to be at home with family.
My dad has never been really there, perse, with us, so since my mom died he had to really step up and be a caregiver to my brother more than anyone else, which is a really frightening feeling, if you know my family. But aside from some really big bumps in the road, I think things have been pretty much smooth sailing.
I'm still working middle management at FYE, and still making less than stellar money with it as well. I just submitted my review, so hopefully I'll be seeing some more cash coming my way, if not I'm moving on to something else. I know I can get a job at a BMW office that's only like 5 minutes away from my home, so it's good to know I have something to fall back on.
Also, hopefully, by early to mid-summer, I'll be writing for the online site Destructoid.com, or it's coming soon movie site, Movie Kick. I'm very excited about this, mostly because I love the community Dtoid has, and it could very well be a stepping stone into a better career than I am already taking. Plus, OMG FREE GAMEZ!
Anyway..uh...yeah? I think that's all I got really.
Goodnight Intarwebs!
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[10 Aug 2006|12:23am] |
what the fuck kind of bullshit is it that i get 9 fucking free tickets to go see the gin blossoms, and i cant get ANYBODY who wants to go with me.
im just going to assume from now on i smell something quite horrible.
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[03 Aug 2006|01:29am] |
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if you have not seen it, the amazing screw on head is one of the most original, inventive, and funniest shows ive ever seen. so that means you fucking should see it.
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| just a round up |
[26 Jul 2006|04:14pm] |
clerks 2 is very good. a very fitting and committed ending for the jersey films. a++ to kevin smith.
im tired of being by myself.
my dog is the only dog on earth who doesnt know how to use a chewtoy.
UPDATE
also, my computer is finally free of all viruses.
so that means i can ride a bike happily.
/update
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[21 Jul 2006|10:00pm] |
best part of ozzfest:
Me: dragonforce has an azn in the band?
ben: how do you think they know so much about dragons?
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[08 Jun 2006|11:16pm] |
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i swear if i listen to to taking back sunday any more i will become the worst thing on earth. a fan of taking back sunday.
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| ! |
[31 May 2006|01:19am] |
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[25 May 2006|02:33am] |
when my mom died i felt numb, as cliche as that sounds. i didnt really feel overly emotional about it. i had my moments, sure, but i didnt really grieve like i should have at the time. then the bullshit with my family treating her death like it was an inconvenience turned that leftover grief into hatred for my mothers side of the family.
all that is said and done, and now that i have no stress, more or less, on me right now, i think about everything that has happened in the past two and a half years.
it hit me about 20 minutes ago. all that emotion that i kept bottled up. the bottle just broke. im a fucking wreck.
goodnight interwebs.
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[04 May 2006|12:34am] |
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oh woe it is to be me, to have a crush on a 19 year old grime artist from the u.k. who's only like 4 feet tall.
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[03 May 2006|10:48am] |
last night at about 11 i was craving munchies so bad that i spent my last 10 bucks on a shitload of white castle. holy crap did that ever hit the spot. i then went to bed right after that, instead of, you know, walking around or something. i put up an away message on aim to relate to that very notion, and my buddy paul from louisiana left the best fucking message ever.
Jesus Bop (4:49:57 AM): white castle is real?
that made my day.
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[25 Apr 2006|09:42pm] |
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friendship should not be one sided, buttercup.
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| LOL@ME |
[24 Apr 2006|10:14pm] |
the guy in the middle is sam, singer of nine black alps, nicest british rock singer ive ever met.
to recap: jon, me, sam, george.
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[11 Apr 2006|09:15pm] |
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music |
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regina spektor - carbon monoxide |
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been a busy weekend for me.
friday night my friend george from slidell came up to visit for a few days. the dresden dolls were performing a huge show here with five other bands, and he made it his duty and his quest to come up for it.
i drove down to cincinnatti to pick him up, we went to go see the cincinnatti reds BEAT THE SHIT out of the pittsburgh pirates. seriously, in the 5th inning it was 5-0. those bitches were, off big time. we took a few pictures with the cincinnatti reds cheerleaders, which were hilarious, and then headed back for columbus, a 2 hour drive at midnight. stopped at waffle house along the way and ate in the most redneck place ive seen in some time.
yesterday was the show, which was amazing. the first band, rock kills kid, were god awful. thank god their set was only 20 minutes i dont think i would have stayed any longer. the best part of their show was their tripped out keyboardist flailing around like he was some sort musical prodigy who had just realized he was. the most retarded looking person i've ever seen.
the next band, bril, were amazing. they played a killer set, and worked the crowd real well. there were nice as hell too, not only did i talk to all the members of the band, they signed about 40 things for me, for free. going back to see them on may 7th.
nine black alps came out and destroyed the show. this uk group were amazing, with a shitload of energy. after the show the singer signed my shirt and took a picture with me and my friends george and jon. once i get a copy of that, i may put it up.
the sun are a local group, and i didnt think that anything other than dresden could top nba, but holy fucking shit, did the sun rock the house. the lead singer is the biggest nerd ive ever seen, but the man can sing, and play guitar. im in love with them.
dresden dolls rocked the place, i didn't pay too much attention to them, mostly because i had been there for 4 hours and was tired, especially since i hadnt slept. we left after dresden played and i made lasagna at home.
sunday morning i drove george back to cincinnatti. along the way i got a call from my dad that i needed to head out to chillicothe, my grandmother had a heart attack. she's okay now, but i rushed my ass out there as soon as i could.
i had barely slept, i had spent 100 dollars on gas in 3 days, and i had to wake up at 6 to go to work.
and um, yeah. the weekend was great, i suppose. still kinda bored/lonely but ill get over that eventually. i think.
oh yeah, tomorrow morning i have an interview to be a music rep for this distribution company. i deserve this job. i will get this job.
okay im done, goodnight life.
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[03 Apr 2006|01:05am] |
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music |
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Fuck Forever - Babyshambles |
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recently ive been self-doubting myself a lot. asking if i should have done this or said this when or where. regretting things ive done or said over the course of the last 2 years or so, oft and on. looking back on everything ive gone through since 2003 is pretty funny, a lot of the things ive said/done are completely laughable. i just want to chalk it up to being a teenager, but a lot of it i think deals with me being naive, a fool, and too trusting, all at the same time. im starting to learn from it, sadly. ive been pretty bitter with most of the people around me, and i have an extremely hard time trusting what anybody says just about anymore.
a friend of mine is coming to visit next friday, a friend from louisiana. i havent seen him in three years, its gonna be an interesting prospective to see how the two of us have both changed over that time. im preparing for a lot of laughing and stupid "remember whens"
i turn 20 in a couple months. which feels weird, the whole thinking back thing has all to do with that. 20's a big number, kinda. i can't blame being an idiot on being just another teenager, which i rarely do but is besides the point. im worried about what im gonna do with my life every day. i lose my job in less than 3 weeks, and i still have no idea what im gonna do. theres a few options, but none of them im not sure of. id like to stay in music, but i cant be in charge of that. i wish things were just easy!
speaking of music, ive been playing my guitar a lot more lately. my uncle gave me a new capo for my acoustic, which i was fucking around with all night tonight. i love the sound it makes come out of my guitar, like its a whole new instrument. ive been writing tunes, no words just fucking around with chords, i may try to record them some time, im not sure.
i still dont sleep much either, i cant figure out whats wrong with me. i get an hour, and then im up almost the rest of the night. trying to think about it hurts my head. i think i know why i blocked out about 80 percent of my childhood now. but those issues are cleared up. my dad and i have made amends, and we're pretty close now. its a shame that it took my mom dying in order for that to happen, but better late than never.
enough babbling from me, im gonna try to sleep now. good night interwebs.
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[18 Mar 2006|12:38am] |
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im fucking miserable. like, really bad.
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[13 Mar 2006|10:01am] |
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i cant wait until the end of may.
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